Buh bye.

It’s official: CERN’s LHC is dead. We have it on the highest authority that the PTW (Powers That Were) had instructed the LHC staff to get their (dark) project done ASAP, and in the ensuing mad rush, they pushed the machine waaay too hard… and it broke. For good.

We’d shout about what a titanic waste of resources this all was — just for a tiny, dark-ET contingent’s escape/revenge gambit — but we’ll instead heartily thank whomever had their heavy hand on the throttle. In doing so, they saved countless lives, whether they know it or not, not to mention the earth itself. Seriously. This thing was bad. But now… it’s dead. [And a month later, it’s STILL dead. -editor, 1-21-16]

Happy holidays to you, unsung accidental hero! The light works in mysterious ways… but mysterious only to those who can’t see the direction it’s pointing. Maybe we can yank out the magnets and turn the LHC into a giant roller blade luge rink.

[NOTE: Might want to avoid the cheese made from milk from those cows in the ring, dated prior to 2016, we dunno. Be an interestig science project. Maybe it’ll make better grilled cheese sandwiches.]

UPDATE: Here’s some detailed REIFICATION of the above by Lynn over at Psychic Focus. The LHC’s dark mission has failed, which is as fantastic an Xmas present as you’ll ever get. Best thing to do now is gut the thing and turn it into Switzerland’s premiere mall.

UPDATE 1-6-16: Still dead. “SHUTDOWN: Technical Stop.”

UPDATE 1-21-16: Still dead. “SHUTDOWN: Technical Stop.”

Crank that thing up to 11, Timmy. We got some celebratin’ to do!